I know it in myself. I cannot deny it. Many people, especially very close friends in high school, see me as a talkative (at the least) and engaging guy. By timing and exposure, I get to speak and talk and converse among people. Yet, many still have an impression of me as the opposite, and I don't deny that.
At many circumstances, I'm silent. Quiet. Static. Loner. But, silent is the best term I'll accept.
Perhaps this is one of my marks of being a writer; a mark making my desire for writing really fit to me; perhaps the reason why I'm inclined to make my voice heard through written words rather than spoken ones.
But, believe me, I want to break that silence.
I've already did that before, but I want to do it again. I seek to break the barriers that are still there, and have more connections while still being myself.
I've recently heard and learned that it is said that there are 4 personalities in general: sanguine, phlegmatic, choleric, and melancholic. I am sure that out of those four I'm the melancholic type, though I'm not always depressed.
The fact that I'm under the melancholic type of personality is a part of the revelation of who I uniquely am. The way I am wired is different from very enthusiastic and ready-to-mingle people. That doesn't hinder me, however, from opening ways to get connected to people and create friendship. As of this writing, I'm more convinced about that.
With that melancholic personality, it is supplementary that I'm often timid. Therefore, I have to brave myself when getting into different crowds wherein I'm expected to socialize.
I observed as well that what holds me back from getting connected is fear: fear of being rejected, of being misunderstood, of being ignored, of being cast away, even of getting too far in many ways (e.g.: bad behavior). But now as I write this, I'm more assured that these fears shall not be permitted. I'm now surer that I need courage to break the silence.
There are times when I prefer to be alone, and most of the time I'm fine at solitude(which is, most of the time, a must on writing). I cannot stay like that always, though. Humans need other humans. People need other people. And usually, the need is met by breaking the silence.
I sometimes think of myself as a radio. Stations are already operating whether the set is on or off. But for you to hear the voices or the sounds, you have to turn it on.
In this matter, I find it gross to use the term "turn on". Nevertheless, my line is always open, and you can drop by. Either you or I start the talk, creating an atmosphere of connection and camaraderie, and hopefully a friendship will be built.
What I'm trying to expound throughout all this is that, first, I accept that I'm melancholic—a silent man by nature and maturity; but I also acknowledge the need to be with others and the joy of doing so, especially in standing in the Lord's presence.
It's all just a matter of closeness and confidence.
I have already broken barriers, often in high school; but still more connections around me are ready to be built. I am domed with barricades, so I must shatter them. I have to break walls, or better, climb over them. There shall be no hindrances.
While the Lord works in me to make friendships possible, I have to have courage to start those connections and make use of the tools to break those walls; but caution must not be ignored.
Only then will I not be mistaken as all-time silent.
What do you think? Are you also shy or silent often? Have your say at the comments, or @adrianconoza on Twitter, or through e-mail at firstname.lastname@example.org. Share the blog if you may!