Not Where I Used to Be

“I may not be where I need to be but I thank God I am not where I used to be.”― Joyce Meyer, speaker and author

That quote finally had made an impact on me at this point of my life. Why is it so? Let me explain.

Picture credit: www.the-spearhead.com

In the past days I've been writing about my life during my third year in high school, which I've centered around my unsuccessful leadership as the elected president of the section where I was in. I've sought my journals to weave a draft day by day. As I've read through my (almost) daily accounts, recollecting sudden happenings in my life made me reflect how hard life has been at that time, and how much I learned from the year-long burden.

My eyes and heart, undergoing an ongoing "coming-of-age", were opened to many things, especially the reality of life.

"Hand to Face 1" by Tim Patrick
Picture credit: http://www.timpatrick.co.uk/

Among those realities, this stands out: leading is not an easy job, especially handling a large group of people where tensions tend to regularly spring up; and at this point I am doubtingly ready to take that role again. Reading a biography of Martin Luther King, Jr. emphasized that reality further. The difference is he got through, and I've gone moribund.

Reading through my journals also made me realize my multitudes of faults and my bulk of immaturity during those times. Not only had I a novice's journey through presidency, but also a struggling entanglement with sins and selfishness. I related with people in very poor, silly ways. I dealt with problems as if I've lost my sense of thinking and humility. I've been too soft, and at the same time too callous. Even after third year I was still quietly bitter, brought by the harsh life I faced.

But praise God! I'm glad I've thrived through all of these. Though I realized the reality of life, I further knew that God continues a good work on me. I've been officially a believer since pre-grade 6, but still I failed so much. Yet going on with a walk with Christ, I have grown further in the faith, and I have learned greater things alongside it.

I realized, especially while I'm checking out of high school and gearing up for college, that I should let go of the bitterness I accumulated. I need to forgive, and by God's grace I did wholeheartedly.

Furthermore, reading the Bible frequently and memorizing verses really helped me a lot in my ongoing growth. Here's this verse I am really glad to know:

"So if the Son sets you free, you will be free indeed."—John 8:36 (NIV)

And because He already has set me free from sin, through what Jesus did on the cross, then why should I still be imprisoned in sin?

I learned to look up to God, and shake off my sins—relying on His immense ability and not on my own vain effort—for I'm already free through Christ.

For real, God goes on working great things in me, such as amazing changes: a wider devotion to God's Word, an expanding commitment to prayer, a heightening longing for fellowship with other believers.

And that's how I say I'm not where I used to be. I am not a professional yet, and I still face many challenges, and I'm not perfect; but I'm thankful I'm no longer a prisoner of darkness, someone found but still lost—where I used to be.

With the faith I'm holding on, I'm going further with life with God, who has great plans for me, for all of us (Jeremiah 29:11). The best is yet to come.

"Project America - Martin Luther King Jr." by Franco Fasano
Picture credit: http://www.celesteprize.com/

Postscript: Change can also be done in you, dear reader. Let God drive your life, and let Him take you to where He wants you to be—a blessed, abundant life.

He loves you so much He wants you to be with Him. What Jesus did is enough. The gift of salvation is already there. What's missing? You. Your choice. Decide to have faith, accepting Jesus as your Lord and Savior, and you have already made the most important decision of your life.

Get Out

The race is near it's end
So close yet so far away
The walk is still so long
How long do I have to stay?

I shall face the game, though
I've done the wreckage. There's no
other option. I have
no choice. I cannot go back.

If I could go back in time
Faster than speed of light
I wish I've grasped this little time
Then I could have made things right

Yet as long as this walk
Hands of time ran—in my fall
My curling's final end
At the far point I have fell

I want to get out of this
Face myself through needle's eye
My target might be missed
But let me get them done

Imprisoned to own fault
Struggling standing up and run
High ranks, seeking no more
Last salvo under the sun

Break me out to exit
Probabilities are here
Possibilities, it
is out of my hearing ear

Take me out, let survive
Yet I know I shall face this
For a lesson in my life
To wake up my sleeping me

To get me out of my pride
To get me out of myself
Bring me back to the Guide
Not just out of what seems hell

I want to get out, get done
The sand at glass drips away
Keep me strong; this hard
phase help me go through, I pray

I look at You, while I
face the odds and beat them down
Drive me to finish line
Let me outlast, and get me out

3/7/14

Toast (to year 2014)

To the fourteenth year of the new millennium
To the days that will pass very soon

To a new beginning, another new beginning
as the bells of Big Ben banging, New York's ball down going

To a fresh start for those who survived
A revival from the storm they've come through alive

To the remaining pieces of fourth year high school
for once again in hardship I'll be glued

To the random problems we have to solve
where we won't use established formulas, where the answers are not Joules

To the road we have to take
It's not easy, but we'll endure and enjoy all throughout for God's sake

To each relationship, to our close connections
To those we love, and to those we'll meet as we go along

To the next 365 days of our lives
full of joys and blessings and ups and downs to mark the timeline

To the future that we do not know
and soon—as clocks tick and leaves fall—will unfold

To growth and flourishing, improvement and development
To productivity—its fulfillment we can get

To better things to come: failures to learn from and forget
To an enriched being: old vices disinfect!

To God's plan for us, plans that are good
Plans that bring hope. In Him we have stood

To His continuous presence, strength, and wisdom
for the months and weeks and hours to come

To a New Year, surging like wave
Bring forth as God wills, and He be praised.

12/29 & 31/13

The Lucky Ones

"...But being the best is not enough"

—Reuven Frank, 

NBC News President circa 1983

I think in each class there are 2 kinds of students: those who care and those who don't, or rarely care. Those who care can be divided into two: the lucky ones and the not much lucky ones.

Who am I to tell you this? It's just an idea from my mind, theoretical, and can be rejected. Just let me share it to you, because I’ve found something here for all of us to take note.

The lucky ones successfully reach the finish line before any other else. They are those who get to finish first. They ace the tests and achieve almost each and every seatwork, homework, and project. They're brilliant, of course, unless they're the ones who memorize instead of understanding. There may be some downs, but they are minor. Thus, they're all-time winners, in my own opinion. And what seems incredible to them is that they have the strength to do it all. It thus makes me wonder, how do they do it? Discover Channel may not answer it, though.

The unfortunate? They work. They work hard. However, they work hard too late. They are those who fall a lot of times, after numerous trials. They work in a trial-and-error method. They’re blessed with diligence, but sometimes they lose it, and sometimes time is what they lack. They win at some time, but soon they become unfortunate. They lose frequently.

But they don’t give up. They may be exasperated, but they don’t stop, because there’s no other option. They accept how human they are. And by every setback, they’re humbled.

The lucky ones may be humbled, too. But in an unfortunate’s eyes, they’re lucky, and they brag about it. Envy, that’s the word.

At some time I am the lucky one, sometimes I’m not. But I feel I’m always unfortunate. I do work hard. But, I’m not as “blessed” as them. There’s a reason why.

I procrastinated, and I regretted it. I let time pass by without running, without doing what can be done when there was time. But I deserve the consequences. I have to pay the price. So sad to know, but I have to know. I have to learn the lessons over and over again.

Again, this piece is a figment of my imagination. Classifying a class like this seems weird. But isn’t this somewhat true? Isn’t it true that there are those who win all the time, and there are those who fail almost everytime? That there’s a Philippines while there’s a Timor Leste(no offense, dear neighbor)?

This is out of my madness, out of desperation for a “light that never comes”.

But in reality, are there really lucky ones and unlucky ones? Are blessings destined to a chosen few? Are good grades, or productivity, appointed to only certain people? Not at all. Anybody can.

Yes, there are blessings and misfortune, but there’s no luck, only consequences.

Either we succeed or fail, either we get work done like an early bird or suffer cramming, it’s all a product of our choices.

We fail and we fall, but behind those mishaps are lessons to help us face the reality of life as we grow older and enter new levels of the game we’re playing (in my terms, academics). Failing is a part of life, and it is painful or disappointing at some point. But we can start again, with the lessons we have learned, with better and wiser choices.

Alongside that, we have to remember that despite of encountering misfortune, we’re still blessed. I suggest one to be thankful for: life. Not-so-good times may come, but I’ll better think of the lessons as blessings rather than drown myself in sadness for a long time (Don’t worry, being sad is natural. Just don’t stay that way for a long time...).

If we want to get better next time, we need not envy the others whom we feel are better than us. Let’s remain humble. Let’s not give up. It’s not late to try again. We just have to keep on going, keep on doing.

We try and try, and so we learn. And after learning the right way, together with using our guts, hopefully we’ll get to do schoolwork better and earlier. And so we can finally call ourselves blessed. 

No more lucky or unlucky ones. Only people deserving what they have worked for.

PS: I apologize if I appeared to be judgmental. I hope I’ve boiled everything down to a good and humble conclusion. Drop a comment if you have something to say. You may also e-mail me.

Hustle and Bustle(2 of 2)

How 1st semester turned out?

6

This fourth year, I took an opportunity in a radio broadcasting contest, one of the contests in a District School Press Conference, out of interest in the said media. We practiced scriptwriting and news delivery for days. And at the day of the contest, the pressure was on. It was a challenging match for 2 hours, and we arrived at a script that's nice despite of the errors. Then, we delivered the script in a form of a 5-minute news broadcast. There was good teamwork working among our team of 7. Despite of the difficulties and slip-offs, I can say that we've done a great job.

But with this I had a doubt if I could do this further when while we're in this contest, my classmates are busy in the classroom with our teachers. I fear of the activities and seatworks and quizzes that I'll miss. I'm unsure if I can handle the matters in both sides—the curricular and the extra-curricular. I prayed that others will be picked for the team to compete on the next contest that will be in the regional level. I hoped that I won't reach the top spots.

7

2 days after the contest, the winners were awarded. I had that strong hope that others will win. It turned out that we won 3rd in scriptwriting, and I won 3rd in best news presenter, of which I'm thankful. With that I'm assured that I'm not picked for the next contest, finally looking up to working back in the classroom. But our school paper adviser has to confirm that first, as I've learned last Friday.

I was alarmed again. Shocked. Don't know what to do. Nothing to do but to brace myself. I thought, I've had enough. I'm now contented with what I've got. Do I have to do this?

I'm afraid that I probably have to attend another extra-curricular activity. In a school where the expectations are high and maybe can explode a galvanometer, where seatwork+homework+other works=a seemingly exhausting game to play, balancing the curricular and the extra-curricular seems to be overwhelming. That's why I pray that I could finally settle on my chair and do what has to be done so that I won't miss anything, and also so that I'll learn more. I hope I'll get working more inside the classroom rather than out of it.

But if ever I'm needed in the contest, if ever God will challenge me in the following days, I hope I won't forget what He says in the Bible:

"And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose"—Romans 8:28(NIV)

"But he said to me, "My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.""—2 Corinthians 12:9(NIV)

"For our light and momentary troubles are achieving for us an eternal glory that far outweighs them all."—2 Corinthians 4:17(NIV)

""For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the Lord, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.""—Jeremiah 29:11(NIV)

8

Third quarter is just starting, and the hustle and bustle will continue after this one-week break. Things are soon to unfold, but I hope that I'll get through. I just have to go on facing the music. But I'm not alone.  

Hustle and Bustle(1 of 2)

How 1st semester turned out?

1

'Semester' is more applicable in college, but as a high school student, 'semestral break' rings as a sign of relief and repose after the hustle and bustle of first and second quarters. It always turns out, though, to be a one-week holiday when it could have been two weeks, because the suspension of classes during the devastating monsoons takes those days away. More suspension equates to less sembreak.

I should be thankful, anyway. It's good enough to rest and relax for a week before we, science high school students, ignite our engines and start functioning again. Another thing, the fear and anticipation for another week will be relieved for at least one Sunday. And we can take longer rests at last, although it still depends on the person.

As I take the time to both work and play this sembreak, I also reminisce the past two quarters. We've just started on third quarter, and I think it's now time for me to improve in the last two parts of my final year in high school.

2

As long as I can remember, first quarter went well. After so much hardship and stress that I've been through last school year, I had a restart.

Fourth year is not much easy, but every piece of hard work, every exertion of effort helps me get through. Though I fail sometimes, I still do my best to do better. Every end of the week is a victory, and a preparation for the next.

Of course, there is still play behind the work. I've met and got close to new classmates, most of them I get to know more. There were laughs, talks, and teamwork.

3

Throughout the first quarter, there were still times where I have to stay late at night just to get things done. As always, there's the work in TLE, where we now work on our own houses(more about that later).

At some nights I'll deal with our research study. That was really the time where I really worked overnight, while listening to either Jam 88.3 or Absolute 80s. As a student in a high school like ours, it's often normal to work overnight, unless you really want to use your time efficiently and not starve yourself of sleep, unless you're quicker than I am.

All I've been through at "first stage" lead me to a grade of 88.78, which is good enough for me. Besides, we're just starting. With that I've ranked near the 3 topnotchers. Aren't those blessings? They are.

4

Then, I reached to the point that I'm really facing the music. 2nd quarter brought more and more work and opportunities. The weight that I carry increased. The battle became more challenging. Each day of class I push myself to wake up before 5 a.m., and then strive to get things finished throughout the day. Like in first quarter, I stayed awake in the early mornings, and I even sacrificed sleep one morning(actually, for many nights this school year I've already sacrificed sleep).

That morning was when I have to finish a project in TLE. I've mentioned earlier that we're working on our houses. So, my project was blueprints which consist of plans, elevations and details, from doors to beam. That was the time when some of us in the class were already done with those, and many of us are catching up. That was the time when I realized a lesson I have to learn again and again—the value of time.

The realization came while I did those blueprints and listened to 98.7 DZFE, the classical music station. I heard something like an infomercial about time itself and how it relates to a student, to an editor, to an athlete, etc. The message is simply this: value your time, it's only borrowed.

5

I also found out that we're ignoring Research, and so I now pray that we won't miss time and opportunities to have a successful study. It's one of the tickets to high school victory.

It also alarmed me that I'm still losing some momentum to achieve high, or simply passing scores on exams. I failed in Research, I failed in Math(but still passing on the final grade), but got a high score in Physics, which I really didn't expect. I just hope that I've received passing grades in 2nd quarter, and pray that I'll do better in 3rd and 4th.

I don't want to do the same things again. I hope for a better time management. It's vital for me, and for everyone too. I'm looking forward to well-spent productivity this time, but how if something else just come around and may get me out of balance?


To be continued