For the last time, I took the final tests I'll ever have as a sophomore on the last day of our finals. However, instead of answering the tests as easy as a pie, I endured the final examinations in despair, in disappointment, and in depression.
I'll struggle to explain this. Before that day, I spent most of that day reviewing for Social Science and Algebra(though English is also one of the final tests). I spent most of that time looking back at the lessons in Social Science. It was a stack of data, a bunch of files. As the impeachment trial played on the TV screen, I am on my table reading every notes that I had since the very beginning. I struggled being sleepy, and I took breaks lying on a sofa. I finished my review, together with Algebra, at about half past 9-that included my dinner.
The next day, that day, I took the test. English was good enough, and I hope what I got is passing.
Then came the next one: SocSci. Die hard SocSci test. It really meant to be challenging, and of course, it'll be a piece of cake not only if you review it(or read it), but also if you remember it well. Again, it was not as easy as a pie. But this first. The class thought there were no hopes for anyone from us to be exempted from that exam, as most from the other section were blessed to be. Nope. Some of us were blessed to. Nope. I wasn't blessed, and I knew I failed to pass the semi-finals of SocSci for me to get my advantage.
The surnames were said. The surnames were written on our dear blackboard.
Wow. Blessed are they. Me, no more lucky. As the fictional character Adrian Mole put it in his diary, "Just my luck!". I faced the consequence of ignorance, less productiveness, and a lost book. I lost my opportunity for a delightful bonanza. I'll admit it, I haven't thought of some of the exempted guys to be exempted. I just thought them for what they have reached throughout the class. Guys, I really apologize for that.
Yes. I was jealous of them. I was jealous that they've rejoiced in victory(again?). Even though, I wouldn't let that feeling make me do some sin or hurting against them. But, I was jealous. That's it. And maybe that made my answering the test somewhat worse than bad. I left some items "blankety blank". Why should I struggle to answer them if I forgot them to my surprise? If I just scanned as fast as an HP Inkjet the notebook before the proctor came.
Nay. My mood had swung. My safe assurance of at least a passing grade, I think, wasn't received. I suddenly got depressed, frowning all the way to recess. Frowning all the way until Algebra began. I told two of the lucky ones in Filipino, "Buti ka pa. Na-exempt ka pa. Habang ako, mukhang babagsak sa test." Translated to English(and I hope it was translated good enough), "You're lucky. You were exempted. As for me, I think I wouldn't pass the test." Both were, let's say, surprised. One doubted if she had done something wrong to me. I just said that I'm just melancholic.
Algebra was alright, though I just made guesses on some questions. I'm still hoping I'll pass. Please. It's the finals. Even just for the finals!(I passed one time, thanks to additional points.)
Back to SocSci. The melancholic mood didn't last long. I finally turned back to normal. I decided to borrow my friend's tablet for TapTap, just to bust my stress. Nevertheless, I couldn't do nothing but to hope and anticipate for either pass or fail.
Have you thought of me as somewhat bad or jealous, or proud of myself throughout of what I wrote? I would accept it if it was jealous. But let me tell this.
I have learned something about this. It was Friday afternoon, everybody were doing anything that they like. I had a conversation with an athletic and friendly friend. We talked about her and her interest-sports. I had also my share of the talk. Then came this moment when I asked the question she asked me earlier that afternoon: "Am I a good classmate?".
Her reply: "I see that you're good. But you're good depending on your mood. But you're not mean." And as an example, she cited my depression that final day of the examinations. That was a good example, and she noticed my mood during the exam on SocSci. She said, as I could remember, that my mood shows that I want to be the only one victorious or supreme. Yup, it was jealousy. It was as if I always wanted to be an America or Soviet Union*--maybe it's UK in it's other face as I saw it in a very old issue of National Geographic Magazine that I have.
I remember also that afternoon, I finished a YA(Young Adult) novel from June Foley-Susanna Siegelbaum Gives Up Guys. I liked the story, and I was curious of what will happen throughout the story. I don't care if it seems to you that it's something girlish. There are boys in the story, and I can somewhat relate to them and to the story. It was a cute story of friendship and love. Let's get to the point. Susanna Siegelbaum, the lead character, realized she was jealous of her best friend, Annie Cassidy, because of her boyfriend Robby.And specifically, she also admitted that a lot of time she wanted to be "the center of attention, know all the answers and make all the rules". Relating to what my friend said, I was also that way.
I've realized that I had been proud, and I was somewhat underestimating others. I've learned that if I want to win, I have to do what I could. I want to focus on taking opportunities and not missing them.
I was humbled by that SocSci exam. I was refreshed to the value of humility. I have to control my jealousy. Nevertheless, I thank God I don't act to my jealousy. Jealousy and envy don't make sense.
I hope that next time, I would not lose any book in school-they're precious and just for free-and I also hope that next time I'll take any test, I'll commit myself to understanding the lessons and reviewing them like I did in elementary; and the tests would not be anymore a good grief.
*America and Soviet Union are superpowers(the U.S.S.R. was), especially in the time of the Space Age and the terms of Reagan and Gorbachev, I think. Correct me if I'm wrong.
Thanks for reading! If you have any comments, and if I have any grammatical error, just feel free to comment. Comment it! I'll be glad to receive your comments. If you like, you may also recommend this to others, or recommend things to me.
Now, I would like to share these songs to you, from Donald Fagen and Rick Springfield. Enjoy.